Sometimes life runs smoothly. You frequent an upmarket restaurant for a delicious meal, engage in stimulating conversation with friends, and whittle away a relaxed hour or two while lightening the proprietor’s cellar of Chilean red. Other times you find yourself performing a death-defying contortionist escape from a locked bathroom stall after your cries for help go unheard for twenty minutes. Fortunately, the latter example is extremely rare. Unfortunately for the author, it is based on first hand experience.

The establishment in question had a point in their favor – I’m the sort of placid fellow who values the bragging rights from a daredevil escapade more then the exertion, embarassment, and potential danger of the situation, and was easily placated with a complimentary drink. My significant other felt quite differently about being left at a table on her own for twenty minutes, and wrote to the restaurant with a list of grievances. There was never a reply, and until I read Gavin Kennedy’s “Everything is Negotiable” I couldn’t figure out why.

Kennedy’s work is based on his decades of international experience as a professional negotiator. The material is presented in a humorous fashion – negotiators are classified as falling into one of four character types, with their various traits epitomised in different farmyard animals. Each chapter starts with a multiple-choice self assessment, which gauges how you would approach the type of problem which is later clarified in the chapter. This approach is supplemented with four assignment-style quizzes interspersed through the book, which allow the reader to tackle a more in-depth problem and gradually reinforces the lessons in the mind of the reader.

The author addresses varied topics of interest to potential negotiators, from how to prevent conceeding to people in strong positions, resisting intimidation, addressing the other parties self-interest, to how to deal with threats. It surprised me, however that Kennedy leaves the topic of how to research a negotiation uncovered. Excluding this, the book is packed with amusing anecdotes and witty asides and reads easily. Some of the lessons to be learned from the book include:

• Never accept the first offer – Any experienced negotiator comes to the table with an offer that they would love you to accept, but which they fully expect you to negotiate. It’s not a negotiation if you capitulate immediately!
• Never give anything for free – “If” is the most powerful word in your vocabulary. Anything you compromise on must by counterbalanced with something of equal value. Any concession should be conditional – “If you want me to compromise on X, then you must agree to Y.”
• If you are not representing a principal, invent one. – Blame a fixed price or deal terms on your boss/wife/mother-in-law! Displacing responsibility to this other party (if you back it up with credible evidence) strengthens your position.

So what have I learned from my houdini-esque restaurant experience? Firstly, if I’d wanted anything in compensation I should have kicked up a fuss at the time; Any leverage I had disappeared as soon as I left. Secondly, a list of grievances just makes people defensive – without a concrete suggestion as to what would resolve the issue, there was no incentive for the restaurant to do anything but ignore the letter. Thirdly? Don’t leave the table without your mobile phone.